Steven Wright Quotes

Always remember your unique, just like everyone else

Steven Wright

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Steven Wright

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.

Steven Wright

Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

Steven Wright

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

Steven Wright

If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.

Steven Wright

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Steven Wright

Imagine Pulitzer prize fighting.

Steven Wright

I'm a peripheral visionary.

Steven Wright

Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.

Steven Wright

How young can you die of old age?

Steven Wright

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali.He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

Steven Wright

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, Where the hell is my roof?

Steven Wright

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, The whole time.

Steven Wright

The older you get, the more you learn to see what you've been taught to see. When you're a kid, you see whats there.

Steven Wright

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Steven Wright

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

Steven Wright

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Steven Wright

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

Steven Wright

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Steven Wright